TAT Box Set Read online

  Copyright © 2020 by Emjay Soren. All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Printed in the United States of America

  First Printing, 2020

  ISBN

  Box Set includes:

  Trust Me

  Forgive Me

  Save Me

  Release Me

  Never Me

  Promise Me

  Fix Me

  PS… Trust Me

  Copyright © 2020 by Melanie Walker writing as Emjay Soren. All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Printed in the United States of America

  First Printing, 2013

  Second Addition, 2020

  ISBN

  Dedication

  To you…Sister

  Because you came out of the dark to shine in the light.

  I wrote Carrie and Chad in the vision of your happy ending and hope I make you smile and fill with pride.

  I wish you a lifetime of never feeling alone, lost, or afraid ever again and always cherished by your one true love:

  The man with the tats and a love for all things YOU!

  May you never see that place again…

  And always know you can ‘Trust Me’

  Acknowledgements

  In every acknowledgement I give my thanks. This book is no different. To my editor Shawna Lisowski and the hard work and dedication on Trust Me as well as my other books. You rock and I love your face!

  To my beta readers: Stacy Masciarelli and Cheryl Faumuina.

  For lyrics and songs I give credit to the artists who sing them because this book is all music baby!

  The lyrics for ‘Hate Me’ were written by:

  Melanie Walker and Cheryl Faumuina…facebook style!

  My babies, Hannah, Treydn, Skylar, Kysar and Presleigh: may you love one another like Noah and Carrie.

  And to anyone who has ever come out of the dark and desperate to shine…Trust Me is for you!

  Stop abuse where it starts and help break the silence.

  I would like to take a moment and talk about Child Abuse in our country and the lasting effects that silence can bring. It was hard to write this book because, as I child I was touched by the hand of an abuser. I had a mother and father who fought for me and did all they could to pull me from the dark. I was one of the lucky ones, unlike Carrie and Noah. I have chosen to make my voice heard through my characters, Carrie and Noah, and any other platform I am given for those who are still silent and scared in the dark. I have attached the website below for any of you who have been abused or know of an abused child in need of help. You can also find these links on my facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/pages/Melanie-Walker/149336025099602. Secrecy is a cancer to the psyche and no child has the resources or the mental capacity to protect themselves from any kind of abuse. It is our job as mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins and friends to stand up for a child who has no voice of their own.

  If you or anyone you know is in need of a safe haven please follow the links below for more information and ways to help. Pass these websites along and commit them to memory if God forbid you or someone you know may need them one day. The only way we can stop abuse is to stop it where it starts and that can be ANYWHERE and knowledge is key if we want to see change. Talk open and honest with a friend, a family member or even the police and know that even in the darkest hour you are not alone…Trust Me!

  ~Emjay

  Child abuse reporting numbers per state: http://www.nccafv.org/child_abuse_reporting_numbers_co.htm

  CASA: Donate Volunteer Join

  http://www.casaforchildren.org/site/c.mtJSJ7MPIsE/b.5301309/k.9D58/Volunteering.htm?gclid=CLftxY-b6LgCFdFDMgodAQUAcw

  National Children’s Alliance

  http://www.nationalchildrensalliance.org/index.php?s=75

  The National Coalition against Domestic Violence

  http://www.ncadv.org/

  Trust Me

  TAT: A Rocker Romance

  Book 1

  By Emjay Soren

  Lights will guide you home,

  And ignite your bones

  And I will try to fix you…

  Coldplay

  Prologue

  “Carrie, wake up.” I could hear Noah’s voice, just a whisper, but urgent enough to pull me from Candy Land dreams.

  “Noah?” I asked, confused. Daddy was gonna be mad if Noah sneaked me out of the house again. I liked our late night ‘trust me’ walks. The nights we played ‘trust me’ I didn’t wake up scared from my daddy and his visits in the night. Daddy always got mad at Noah for taking me on ‘trust me’ walks. He always took Noah’s toys when we went on the walks, but Noah said he didn’t care ‘cuz he liked listening to music or TV more anyway. Daddy hurt Noah too, but Noah never talked about it.

  “Come on, Sissy, we’re sneakin’ out for a walk tonight.” He had a toothy, mischievous grin on his face, but even in my little six-year-old mind I could see the fear in his eyes. I hated that look so I never questioned when he took me on the ‘trust me’ walks. The walks took that look away.

  “Can I be trust this time, Bubba?” I asked while putting on my bunny slippers and grabbing Abby, my favorite doll.

  “Sure, Sissy. What are we trusting tonight?” He asked as we snuck, quiet as mice, out his bedroom window.

  Noah taught me this game sometime before I formed memories because I don’t remember learning it. I just always knew the game. “Let’s see…..” I yawned as we scurried through the backyard and over the fence that separated us from Mr. Johnson's house.

  “The trust tonight is a world with flying cars. Every car we see, we pretend they are flying…” I paused to put together my trust world in my head. “The cars that are blue are the secrets we hid from each other this week, so tell them secrets for the blue ones, Bubba.” I giggled knowing he didn’t take the bus home from school this week, but walked home so he could peek in the guitar store downtown. He didn’t know I knew, so I was excited.

  “Ok, but the red cars are your secret cars.” He responded, finally slowing down after we entered the neighborhood a block over from ours. I nodded my agreement to his choice of color.

  “Flying secret cars can only be stopped by yellow flying cars.” I chose yellow knowing there were no yellow cars in this neighborhood.

  “Deal.” He said with a smile taking my hand and pointing at a blue car across the street. “Looks like I’m first, Sissy, what’ll the secret be tonight….” He tapped a finger on his lips like he was thinking and I giggled.

  “I know! I know!” I said a little louder than I should have. A dog started barking and Noah shushed me quickly.

  “Quiet, Carrie! Jeez!” We stopped walking and waited for any sign that we were busted, but none came. Noah turned with a relieved smile. “Ok, what secret did I keep this week?”

  I admitted to knowing about his skipping the bus and laughed. He was so busted. “I won’t tell though, Bubba, I swear.” I assured him in my most serious six-year-old voice.

  “That’s because we never tell our secrets in ‘trust me’. That’s the point.” He points to a red car parked in the driveway of Carl Stanton’s house. He is a friend of my dad’s and I’m always nervous that one night he will catch us and tell Dad. We get real quiet as we pass the Stanton house and jog quickly around the corner, both of us breathing in relief that we made it safely past his house without getting caught.

  “That was a red car, Carrie, your turn. Tell me your secrets
from this week.”

  I hated getting to my turn. Bubba always made me tell him my secrets even if he knew them already. He said that was why we played ‘trust me’, so that we always knew, no matter what, that we could tell each other everything and then bad things wouldn’t happen.

  I didn’t bother telling him that the bad things still happened. He knew they did, but he swore that by trusting each other and only each other that we would never feel alone when dad got a hold of us. He knew our touches were different. Daddy made Noah bleed when he would touch him. He was always using a belt or a shoe, pretty much anything he could to keep Noah scared of him and quiet. I knew it was my fault that Noah got beat up by Dad. If I hadn’t told him my secret all those times ago when I was really small, then Noah wouldn’t have to get hit so much. That was when we started playing ‘trust me’ so much more. He said that we could tell our secrets to each other and we would be safe.

  But I was only safe when Noah wanted to play ‘trust me’. When we would play, my dad wouldn’t sleep in my bed that night and make me show him my loves. But when we did play ‘trust me’, Daddy always beat on Noah the next day. Maybe I could help Noah if I stopped playing ‘trust me’.

  “You know my secrets, Bubba.” I whispered. I couldn’t look at him when I said it.

  He stopped and pulled me towards the school playground. I didn’t know we had walked so far. I was terrified we were gonna be found this far from home.

  “Carrie, ‘trust me’ is our safe place remember? You tell me those secrets when we play, okay? Don’t be scared, Carrie, look at me. You’re safe, Carrie, you’re always safe with me. Trust me, okay? We get our secrets out and then we lock them up in the world with flying cars so they don’t come home with us.”

  His voice reminded me of how my friends’ daddies talk to them. Noah was sweet and loving and he made me feel safe. My daddy made my belly hurt when he talked soft to me. He was nothing like Noah. Noah loves me the right way.

  “Daddy wanted lots of loves this week. More than normal. He said it’s because he misses Mommy and he can’t look at me without seeing her.”

  Noah said a bunch of bad words. If I said those words, I would be eating a bar of soap for dinner. I looked at him stunned he dared say those words.

  “I’m sorry, Bubba.” I cried. I was scared that Noah was definitely going to be hurt by Daddy tomorrow. When Noah gets mad like this from my secrets, he always gets in big trouble with dad. Maybe it’s because he swears so much. I can’t help but think it’s my fault though. For some reason Daddy hates me and Noah being close and he punishes Noah for that.

  “It’s not your fault, Carrie!” He almost yells and I can see the fury and sadness in his eyes. Noah says I shouldn’t have to know what words like fury and sad and scared mean at my age, but like our game of ‘trust me’, I think I’ve always known those words. “Listen to me, Carrie. No matter what he says or what he does to either of us, it’s not your fault or mine.”

  “I know, Bubba. I’m just sorry for my secrets always making you mad. Every time you get mad, Daddy hits you a lot.”

  “It’s because I do bad things, Carrie. It’s not because of ‘trust me’. You need to trust me now, Carrie. Never tell Dad that we play ‘trust me’. Never. Okay?”

  “I know, Bubba. I trust you.” I say as tears roll down my cheeks. Noah is the only person I trust. I know that if it wasn’t for Noah, I would have to give Daddy a lot more loves. I make the decision that right here and now I am gonna stop telling Noah about the loves. I’m scared of what he will do to Daddy, but even more scared of what Daddy will do to him. “I’ll never tell him!” I vow, and grab Noah around the waist. I can give loves to Daddy more if he promises to stop beating on Noah. I’ll do anything to keep Bubba safe. Just like he always kept me safe.

  *

  By the time we made it home the sun was starting to come up and the sky was turning my favorite color of deep, dark purple. We snuck back through Noah’s window, Noah sliding in first before I heard him gasp. There was the sound of jostling and clattering like something had fallen.

  “Noah, are you ok?” I asked in a loud whisper. He didn’t respond and I screamed as my dad’s face came through the window.

  “Get in here now, Princess.” My dad demanded pulling me by my arm. He turned his anger on Noah immediately, hitting him in the face the same way they do on Noah’s combat games.

  “I hate you!” Noah screamed at him, but Daddy just kept hitting him.

  “Your little games don’t solve anything, Noah, they just piss me off more!” Daddy kicked Noah while he was on the ground and then Noah went silent and stopped moving. I could see him breathing so I hoped that he just fell asleep like he has before when Daddy hits him.

  “Come with me, Caroline.” Daddy says. He called me Caroline and that means he’s mad and I have to apologize when he gets loves now. I hate when he is mad.

  I leave with Daddy because if I don’t or if I cry then he would get mad at Noah all over again. I walk past Noah and promise silently that I can get Dad to stop. I’ll tell Dad that I’ll stop playing ‘trust me’ if he leaves Noah alone.

  I don't want to change anymore

  I've already paid (said, I've already paid)

  I don't have to pray anymore

  Because my soul has been saved

  Chris Cornell

  Chapter One

  May almost two years ago

  Gig Harbor Washington

  I had just turned twenty and finished my third year of college. It was the end of May in Gig Harbor and the beaches were bound to be packed. I wanted to work and earn money for a new school wardrobe. When classes started back up in the fall, every penny would be spent on simply surviving. But this summer I was working to make sure I looked like a young woman in search of a man. I had always been a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl, but took pride in having fabulous hair and pristine makeup. Perhaps that’s why it seemed all the boys had been confused by me. Perhaps it was because my father had done a number on me before I was a year old. Most likely it was because I was a little bit shy and a whole lot shut off, determined to a fault to get a degree and leave my past behind.

  I never understood glamour, it had always felt like I was in someone else’s shoes when I dolled myself up just to go to class. I preferred to turn heads when I went out with friends, but it wasn’t an everyday thing for me.

  I had my summer job helping out at our family run burger joint aptly named, ‘The Joint’. My mom and dad opened The Joint back in the seventies before Noah and I were born. They started in Seattle and now there were ten locations through-out the state of Washington. Gig Harbor was home now and had been for almost six years. My mom died when I was two and Noah was six. Though I’ve seen pictures of her, I have no memories of her. Noah and I never talk about our dad, and we make sure he doesn’t know where we are.

  Noah has never given me the whole story, but from what I gather he blackmailed our dad to get us out of his path. When I was fourteen Noah woke me up in the middle of the night. Beaten and bloody, he said we were leaving. I remember the broken skin on his knuckles and knew all the blood on him wasn’t just his. He had packed up his old battered Volvo and moved us as far from Seattle as he could on the fifty bucks he had.

  I knew he stole so that we could survive until he got a job. We stayed with our aunt and uncle who knew enough of the situation to keep our dad from coming for us. Uncle Seth was Dad’s brother and from conversations I heard over the years, he hated our dad. Noah found a rundown studio apartment over the tattoo shop he was apprenticing at a month after we had moved and he took me with him without a fight from Uncle Seth or Aunt Lilly. He enrolled me in school and rode me hard about my grades so I could go to college. He told me that I had all the opportunity in the world and that the bad shit was behind us. I believed and trusted Noah my entire life, so I did as he said and graduated with honors.

  It was Noah’s hard work and dedication to setting us free that gave me the drive
to never let him down. Seth and Lilly checked on us often, their only stipulation for me staying with Noah, was that I stayed out of trouble and got good grades. I wasn’t about to let anyone take me from Noah, so I followed every rule set for me.

  Now our house was on the bay, big and beautiful. Noah had busted his ass apprenticing as a tattoo artist and he made an incredible living at it. Once we got here he answered an ad for a bassist in an Alice in Chains cover band. Noah went to the audition and came back the bassist of the band. The band was now known as Thick as Thieves and they were a big deal in the state of Washington, the golden boys of Gig Harbor.

  We were clean here.

  This summer I was going to work on the beach, get a tan and meet wild, cute boys. Maybe I would even have an affair before heading back to school. It seemed like falling in love over the summer would be easy enough, and getting wild even easier. I would be twenty-one this summer with only a year left before graduating with my English degree. By next year I would be set to conquer the world as a struggling author. But this year, for once, was all about me.

  My iPhone started playing ‘No Excuses’ by Alice in Chains, the ringtone for my roommate and best friend, Candy. Candy wasn’t what anyone would expect from a girl named Candy. Her hair was short, just to her shoulders, and whiskey brown. She had green eyes and an uncanny ability to have anyone laying out their secrets within twenty minutes of meeting her. I had fallen victim to her more than once. On the same table that I laid my secrets out, there was always a bottle of tequila and a promise to take my secrets to her grave with her.

  In my drunken state of tell all, I had once asked who in their right mind would name her Candy? Her reply was simple, accurate and so true. ‘Candy is sweet and loved by everyone. Some candy is soft and all melty sweet, and some is hard and makes you work for the good stuff. Well, Carrie Becket, the same is to be said of me. So in response to your question, my momma gave me my name, and I’m sure it suits just fine.’